


No Rest For The Wicked

by niveuos



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Except Lukas hears, Fluff, I love you lukas please wake up, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niveuos/pseuds/niveuos
Summary: When he's in the coma, Lukas hears everything.How things could have been if Lukas heard the first, "I love you."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this all at once at 2am this morning on my phone so I hope it's not too awful. I couldn't shake this idea, I thought it would be an interesting different take on ep9. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy!

When he was in the coma, Lukas heard everything.

It began with the buzzing of doctors and nurses and he didn't understand that part at all, but when they all left, he felt the quiet seep in like a malicious fog he couldn't escape from. He felt unconscious and awake simultaneously, because he couldn't move a muscle but the sound... His ears were working fine. Inside his head, he was screaming, begging to be released from the confines of his own body, because he didn't know how long he could bear to feel himself keeping still when all he wanted to do was run.

The first voice he heard was his dad's. He tuned that one out after the first few minutes because it didn't help to hear his voice. It just made him feel guilty about all the secrets he'd kept. Right now, the only voice he wanted to hear was Philip's, but his dad kept talking, and Lukas kept not listening, and Philip never came.

The next voice was Rose. She was by herself, as far as Lukas could tell. He found he could hear better like this. When nobody was speaking, the room wasn't as silent as he originally had thought. There was the beeping of machinery, murmuring voices outside in the halls, shuffling feet and the whirring of cars in and out of the parking lot. These sounds were repetitive, and reminded Lukas that he wasn't asleep.

"Hey, Lukas," Rose greeted, and it sounded like she had been crying. "I know we broke up, but, like, I felt it would be pretty shitty of me not to come when you're in a coma, you know?" She laughed, but there was nothing behind it. "They told me to talk, because apparently that might help wake you up, but I don't think my voice is gonna make a difference. You don't love me. You never did. No matter what your dad says, my voice isn't gonna wake you up. It means nothing to you."

Lukas felt guilty to believe she was right.

Rose continued speaking about pointless things and Lukas listened, this time. He felt he owed her that much.

After a period of time his dad came back and they sat in there together, speaking occasionally, other times joining the quiet of the room. Eventually Lukas heard a commotion, raised voices and rushing sounds and it probably made his heart rate monitor increase because the loudness freaked him out. It had been calm since he'd stopped moving. He wasn't ready for the chaos.

When the door opened again, only Rose returned. He knew it was her because her footsteps were different than his dad's, or the nurses. She sank into the chair by his bed with caution and Lukas braced himself for the worst.

"That was Philip," Rose said, and the sound of tears was evident again. Lukas felt his heart leap. "Your dad wouldn't let him in." A flash of anger. "He said he was a bad influence. But he's wrong. I think Philip is the one voice you need to hear, right?" Suddenly, panic, and Rose was crying again. "I know you love him even if you don't know you love him. I know what you've been trying to keep a secret, you know, your relationship. I just told Philip that. He was out there, just... Crying and begging to be let in. And he loves you so god damn much, Lukas, and you're keeping him a _secret_." When she laughed this time, it was even emptier. "You're an absolute dickhead and you've got this one boy who's one hundred percent devoted to you, you know? I was disappointed in you when I realised you were gay and leading me on, but I'm even more disappointed that you're keeping Philip in the dark. He deserves so much more than the shit you give him, Lukas. You punched him in the fucking face and he still came back for more. I don't think you realise what you're taking for granted."

If Lukas had the physical ability to cry right now, he would be. Rose was so fucking right. He treated Philip like he was a given, like someone who would never fade away. He'd almost lost him once and yet he still pushed them further into the closet because of his own fear, and even though he knew Rose was right about everything, he knew she was the most right about one thing in particular.

Lukas was a dickhead. He knew, and nothing would change.

Not yet.

Not now.

At least, until Philip came.

***

The silences in between visits felt like intermissions to Lukas. They stretched long but also in no time at all, like he spent half his life waiting for someone else to walk through the door but they also came in far too often. It was always Rose, or his dad, or some guy from school he didn't care about anymore.

When Philip did finally come in, Lukas recognised him immediately by his footsteps, and suddenly everything Rose had said felt like it meant something.

Like maybe it was time for Lukas to step up, push the dickhead aside and give Philip what he deserved, so he didn't go off and find a better boy to make him happy.

Lukas couldn't live with that. Lukas couldn't live with himself.

"Hey, Lukas," Philip said, and everything in the universe was exactly where it was meant to be. "Your dad is finally letting me see you. Crazy, right?" When he sat down, the silence that followed didn't feel so deadly.

"They've all been talking to you, but Rose says if any voice is gonna wake you up, it's mine. I don't think you can hear me but I want to think you can. I want you to hear how much I miss you. I want you to hear me begging you to please stay alive. Please don't leave." The choked off sound at the end of Philip's last word broke Lukas' heart. He wished he could tell him so, out loud, but even if he was able to, he wasn't sure he would.

Philio coughed awkwardly, shifting forward in his chair. "Uh, apparently I'm supposed to play sounds that might bring on your awakening, music you love or whatever, so I thought I'd try..." As he trailed off, Lukas heard the tell-tale sound of a bike starting and setting off, which calmed him immediately in a way he couldn't describe. It was like the calm he experienced when he'd first heard Philip's footsteps enter the hospital room, or the sensation that had overcome him when Philip first kissed him back.

"You hear that, Lukas?" Philip said, leaning over his body and Lukas felt the weight of him, wanted to say, _Yes, I can hear you, I've always heard you, always seen you,_  but he couldn't, just like he couldn't move his arm to wrap it around Philip's body to keep him there forever. "That's you. On the bike. I filmed this one." Philip laughed throatily, and there were tears in there, too. "Well, I filmed all of them, actually. But I like this one best." Silence. "Please hear yourself, Lukas. Please find a reason to stay awake, if it isn't me."

And what the fuck was this dickhead going on about? As if the only two reasons Lukas got up in the morning weren't motocross, and Philip. As if having both of them at the same time wasn't the most perfect scene Lukas could imagine, and he'd had it, for weeks. Lukas wanted to sit up and strangle the sense back into Philip, because if he honestly thought Lukas didn't want him by his side, every day, stretched far into the future, then Lukas was going to slap himself across the face and get his act together because Philip was his boy and he should god damn get to feel like it.

Lukas felt Philip lean in closer to his face, a breath on his cheek. Philip took a deep breath, the engine of the motorbike providing some background noise as he said, "I love you, Lukas, please wake up."

Lukas felt like he died and then came back to life within the following five seconds. There was the brief feeling of lips on his forehead and the squeezing of his hand, but the only sound now was that of his own heartbeat. The three words repeated over and over in his head and he obsessed over them, heart swelling and blood rushing, muscles spasming beneath the guise of his stillness.

Lukas knew, of course. Even Rose had seen it. She'd guessed it, too, and Lukas hadn't been surprised, not then. Philip loved Lukas and Lukas loved him back, but it felt realer this way, now that it had been voiced aloud. More concrete and permanent, like something that was harder to break.

The wheels churned in Lukas' head long after Philip had gone. He felt different, somehow. Like some aspect of this universe had shifted and Lukas had more of a reason to fight against whatever was holding him to this paralysis that plagued his every ability and thought. There was a strength now, a purpose, and for once Lukas knew what the doctors meant when they asked those closest to Lukas to speak to him, as if that would help. Because by some miracle, it did.

The quiet faded away, and this time, when the silent intermission fell upon him again, he slept. He dreamt of motorcycles, and riding away till Tivoli was nothing more than ashes and dust, and most of all, Lukas dreamt of Philip.

***

When Lukas woke up from his dream, he woke up for real, and he asked for Philip.

Anything that happened after that was a mess he chose to forget, but soon he was in a locked room on his back with his eyes open and Philip was right there, a tangible human being, staring down at him like he was the most important person in the world.

"I heard it all, you know," Lukas said offhandedly, trying not to smile too big.

"Heard what?" Philip asked, too caught up in the idea that Lukas was alive to comprehend the words.

"While I was in the coma. I heard everything," Lukas explained, trying not to blush.

"Oh?" Philip choked, face turning red, becoming shy and Lukas felt so crazy in love with him he wanted to cuddle him to death.

Instead, he smiled, and said, "I kinda wish the first time you told me you loved me was when I could actually, you know, respond."

"Oh my god," Philip groaned, hiding his face into his hands. "This is so embarrassing."

"No it's not! It's adorable," Lukas insisted, and Philip peeked at him through a few fingers, eyes big and puppy-like and beautiful.

And Lukas was so very much in love.

"I love you," Lukas said without thinking, and he didn't dare take it back.

Philip's hands flew away from his face. "What?!"

"Don't tell me you didn't know," Lukas mumbled, turning away, his turn to be embarrassed.

Philip laughed, a jingling sound. "'Course I knew. Just didn't expect you to say it first."

"I can be sentimental when I want," Lukas murmed, pouting. Philip's eyes were bright and happy and Lukas wished they were always that way.

"I know," and didn't he just sound so smug, the asshole, Lukas bet he studied this sort of shit in his spare time, all the ways to embarrass Lukas fucking Walden- "God, I fucking love you, dickhead. You scared the shit out of me."

Lukas' head went quiet. "What?"

"Oh, I give you the chance to respond this time and you say, ' _What?'_ Why do I even bother?"

Lukas blinked a few times, shaking his head. "No, I mean about the scaring you part."

Philip rolled his eyes like it was obvious. "The almost-dying thing? Don't pull that shit again, dude, I'll kill you myself."

"What, like it was _my_  fault?!" Lukas exclaimed, giggling. "Is that a fucking threat? Are you threatening me? Am I being threatened?"

Philip was giggling, too, leaning closer like he was being pulled by magnets. "Maybe I am. You'll have to wait and see."

Their faces were inches away now, and Lukas could feel Philip's breath on his lips, a silent indication of what was to come. "I love you," Lukas voiced again, like he was confirming it.

Then Philip was kissing him.

And Lukas was letting him.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is much appreciated! 
> 
> Love y'all and thank you for reading xx


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